


Neckties are For Tying

by Mandergee



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gift Giving, NO PLOT WHATSOEVER REALLY, Not Beta'd, Philinda in parental roles, Pointless fluff, Post-A-Wolf-In-The-Henhouse, Skye/Fitz/Jemma as the sibling/kid roles, Spoilers for Season 2, just for fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 14:38:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2511323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mandergee/pseuds/Mandergee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Father's Day gifts always come with the best of intentions, even if it's difficult to find an occasion to wear them.<br/>But there are always points for creativity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Neckties are For Tying

“It's another tie, isn't it?” She reached past him, picked up the long, narrow blue box and lifted the lid. They always nestled it in white tissue paper- every year- but nothing could ever make the bright colors and garish patterns any less painful to the eyes. “Where do they find them?”

“I don't know, but if I had the resources we used to I'd find a way to make the seamstress disappear. I think the Fridge would have been nice- could work something out with the other detainees and get some design improvements to the jumpsuits.” Coulson leaned back, chair creaking as he considered the box she held before he reached into a drawer to pull out another equally obnoxious necktie. “FitzSimmons gave me this one last year- I think it's chartreuse.”

“Not many people are familiar with that color- I could believe Simmons would be one of them. She's one of the only people I know to use the word 'aglet'. ” May raised an eyebrow as she ran her fingers over the delicate embroidery of the newest acquisition, the rough skin along the pad of her thumb catching slightly on the threads. “Good work in the stitching. Looks like little Christmas trees with ornaments. I think these lights actually work.”

“This year's winner is from Skye. She said something about 'special occasions'- I don't know where they think I'm going to wear these.” He raised his own eyebrow as May looped the tie around her wrist, reaching forward to do the same with the one in his hand. His voice was thick, and she smiled as he spoke again. “Melinda...”

“I can think of one place,” She chuckled and the smile grew broader. It was the smile he'd been seeing more often since they'd reached the Playground, the one he saw when he closed his eyes each night and that caused his sheets to be tousled and wet in the morning. It was the smile he wanted to see every day, but the times were darker than before and he knew he was the only one who saw it anymore. “You're done for the day, Director. I think you need a little exercise before dinner.”

“Your rules,” He conceded, and the chair creaked again, softly, as she pulled him to his feet and led him from the room by the end of his tie.

\---

“What did you do to the one I gave him this year?” Skye tipped back on her stool, glanced at Simmons with a raised eyebrow as the scientist reached with one foot from the table behind and pushed her back to an upright position.

“You're going to bash your head in if you're not careful.”

“Hey. We've already got one mom here. Besides, I have a great sense of balance.” She wanted to prove it and Simmons seemed to know, kept the tip of her shoe firmly planted on the bottom rung. “Fitz, what'd you do to my tie?”

“I put a mic in the stitching. Last year, Simmons and I built in a camera- but he hasn't had reason to use it yet. The mic should come in handy for undercover situations- won't look at all out of place.”

“I don't think I've ever seen Director Coulson without a tie.”

“Not true. There was that one mission...but you weren't here for that.” Skye could remember the silver dress, the way Coulson had left out a tie in favor of an open-collared white shirt.. Simmons hadn't been there to see the way May couldn't stop staring at him...and _he_ couldn't stop staring at _her_. _I ship mom and dad more than_ mom and dad _ship mom and dad. And I can never undo that thought, so I really need to start thinking of something else_. “When is he going to wear a tie with tiny Christmas trees, Fitz?”

“Christmas parties. I'm sure there are lots and lots of parties that Hydra will send in agents to...”

“Infiltrate,” Simmons inserted gently, and shook her head at the tablet in front of Skye. “Are you testing the hardware?”

“Just for a second. I wanted to see if the-” The room filled with noise and Skye toggled the volume, glanced down at the display as sound spilled forth and the three of them fell silent for a moment. She couldn't identify it, wondered if they'd broken something when they'd settled the gift on a bed of tissue and cotton. “Fitz, do you think we snapped a wire or something? Got the frequencies mixed up?

“No, I'm pretty sure I didn't muck up a simple job like a tiny micro-” The gasp that interrupted him was something she could safely say she'd never heard, a throaty moan following suit and a heavy thump punctuating the progression of sounds. “What was that?”

“I don't think...it sounds like....”

“Rabbits?” Simmons offered tentatively, and Skye drew her eyebrows together, glanced sideways at her as she thumbed the volume down further. “It sounds like it could be...”

“It's not _rabbits_ , Simmons. I don't want to admit it any more than you do, but I think we just heard mom and dad banging. And I don't know about you, but I really, really want that to be something I _never hear again_.”

"Well I'm certainly _not_ giving him any more neckties for father's day.”

“Um, ditto for me, Fitz.” Were her ears bleeding? She was sure she could still hear them, and the volume was nearly muted, so it was either her imagination or her ears were bleeding and it was never, ever going to stop. All that Skye knew for certain was that she never wanted to see Coulson wearing a necktie ever again, and the next time she heard May speak she hoped it wouldn't remind her of when the same voice was throatily gasping Director Coulson's name.

Because she hadn't thought of him as anything other than 'Sir' in a long time, and she knew there was never _any_ way she'd be able to think of him as Phil. Not after that. Not _ever again_.

“Next year,” Simmons suggested gently, removing her foot and standing up to smile at the two of them. “Why don't you try a nice tea blend? Something from England? May likes tea.”

“Well, I don't think they can do anything with tea,” But Skye made a mental note to check the internet-just to be sure- and glanced at Fitz as she slid the tablet in his direction. “Make sure those files are deleted, okay?”

“Gladly.” But as she left the room Skye swore she could hear the gasping even still, and another mental note was added to check the soundproofing on the office and Coulson's bunk upstairs. It never hurt to check on privacy, and if she never heard their parents having sex again...she wouldn't be ungrateful.

\----

“You didn't tell me they gave them to you for _father's day_ .” Coulson hadn't said anything until they lay together on the sheets, May's head pressed against his chest and her fingers making lazy circles in the wiry hair. He _wisely_ hadn't told her until then, grinned as she reached with her free hand to undo the easy knot she'd tied in the bedpost and let him pull his hand away, flexing the fingers gently.

“Did it make a difference? They still served a purpose, and I was never going to wear them.”

“It makes a difference. I...” She undid the second tie and pulled it away, let it dangle between her fingers for a moment. “I just tied you to the bed with neckties _the kids gave you for father's day_. There's something wrong with that, even if I can't articulate what that is.”

“You could have used any other ties.”

“But you wear those, and I think it might have introduced a distraction to things if you wore them _after_ the fact. As you said before, there was no danger of you ever wearing these in the field.” There was a lump in the stitching she hadn't noticed before, and May frowned as she worked the fabric between thumb and forefinger, attempting to determine what it was. As Coulson watched her carefully she nipped at it with her teeth, worked the threads between top and bottom until they tore apart easily and she could spit the offending piece into her palm. “Phil.”

“May, if you're that concerned about it...I'll throw them away. Or give them to Koenig.”

“I don't think we could amass enough ugly ties in one lifetime for his band of brothers.” She lifted her palm and investigated what was cupped within it, eyes narrowing as she began to identify markings, wiring...wire mesh... _Wire mesh. A mic_. “There was a microphone embedded in the stitching on this tie.”

“A microphone. Was it transmitting?”

“I'd say so,” She tilted her head, listened carefully to the base and the blend of sounds surrounding them. Somewhere below were Skye, Fitz and Simmons, and May suspected from the silence that they'd heard something they never wanted to hear. “I could hear them before and I can't hear them now...so I think our little gang got an earful.”

“Maybe that will stop the 'tie-a-year' trend.”

“Maybe,” May grinned, tossed the tie to the floor and the tiny mic along with it. If they'd disabled the mic, there was no danger of being overheard again unless someone came upstairs- and no one ever did unless he invited them. “So since I won't be using the nice ties for this...what do you say we try it without?”

“We still have one left.”

“It won't work- either both hands are tied, or neither.” Coulson tossed the remaining tie over his head and it caught the edge of the padded headboard, bright against the dull grey fabric. “It's tiring, being on top- why don't you give it a try?”

\---

“Skye,” Fitz caught up with her in her bunk a few moments later, tablet in hand. “We've never tried the camera feed. I might like to give it a go before we disable it for good- don't think he ever took the tie out of the box, so we ought to just see some blue, maybe the tissue we packed it in. I hate to see the work go to waste."

“All right. One try. But after that- I don't ever want to think about it again. _Ever_.”

She couldn't look at either Coulson or May after that, and Fitz wouldn't come out of the lab for two days. Neither would say why, and by the subtle grins Simmons caught between May and the Director, she always imagined she knew. From that moment she was even more pleased that she'd chosen to excuse herself from the shenanigans when she had.


End file.
